HARD LESSONS

Tonight I discovered that even with an oxygen concentrator I do not have enough oxygen to change the sheets on my own bed.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

As of Wed last week I have completed every test.  I lost 10 pounds and I am now officially on THE LIST.  It's weird waiting for a transplant because you know in order to live someone else will have died.  I've always been an organ donor, and since I was told I have a very healthy heart I guess I could still be one someday if my transplant didn't work out, but to breathe with someone else's lungs......what a gift!  I think about dying a lot these ....how could I not?  Someone asked me if I'm afraid and I said yes, because I am.  I want to live for more than 72 years.  I want to see my grandchildren grow, I want to take care of Sara and Hank.  I want to see my son get married again.  I would like to walk along the beach at Siesta Key and see the sun set once again.  There's a part of me that is afraid that maybe it won't all happen.
In my mind I have planned my funeral which is very, very weird.  I will write it all down soon.  One thing that keeps crossing my mind, and it applies to very few people, but what I keep thinking is....if you didn't respect me in life, please don't pretend to respect me in death.  I have very few unfinished relationships, but I cannot fix what I did not break.  I find that extremely sad.