I'M BAAACK

It's been a rough couple of months but things are finally settling down.  It took me a month to get over whatever I had.  It was a nasty bug.  Then I went to Florida to be with my mom while she had a mastectomy.  She tried the chemo but it made her very sick so the surgery was the next choice.  For a 90 year old woman she did amazingly well.  She is now taking care of herself full time.
My son bought a house, but while waiting for the sale to close he and his 3 children lived with us.  I found out I wear out a lot faster than I used to.  The kids are 4, 6, and 7.  Very busy and sometimes very messy.  Wouldn't trade the time we've had with them for anything though.
On Friday we leave for St Louis for the birth of our 5th grandchild....another sweet boy.  A whole week of smelling a new baby head.  I love it!  My daughter believes in holding the baby whenever you feel like it so we mostly sit around playing pass the baby.  Every now and then she insists on holding it herself, so we give in and let her hold her own baby :)  This baby has a 9 year old brother who will need lots of attention too.  Although he's so excited about having a brother he has been number one for nine years.  This could be a bit of an adjustment, but he has such a loving heart, I know he will do fine.
I'll post a picture of the new little guy as soon as I have one.  It's Derby weekend in Louisville.  Have a great Derby everyone!

THE COLD THAT WILL NOT GO AWAY

I am now into week four of my horrible, terrible, no good, yucky illness.  This thing has a HOLD on me.  I had another chest x-ray and no more pneumonia, but I got the drags bad.  Every morning I wake up determined to feel better.  I take a shower, eat some cereal....and make a U turn right back to bed. So I sleep for awhile, check my email, play some solitaire and get up for lunch.  Eating takes all my energy so I lay back down for a nap.  The next thing I know it's dinner time, some soup, back to bed and back to sleep.  I wake up in time to take my pills, brush my teeth and go back to sleep.  This is getting old, but par for the course says my doc.  The last time I was this sick is when I had the Hong Kong flu in the 60's.  I had my flu shot this year, but I have heard they aren't as effective as they should be....hmmmm.  HB has it too.  We are a pitiful pair.
Tomorrow I am going out to my studio, even if it's only for 30 min and all I do is touch glass and maybe take some pictures.  I need something to look forward to...you know??

RAMBLING THOUGHTS FROM A SICK WOMAN

Don't you just hate being sick?  I've had bronchitis for over a week.  Since I have asthma, I'm kind of prone to the lung things.  I figured if I treated it with my inhalers and other asthma meds it would go away...like it's suppose to.  I finally called my allergist last week (he had just seen me 10 days earlier for my 6 month check up) and he prescribed the usual Zpack /Prednisone routine which always works....always, except this time.  Actually I did feel better for 2-3 days and then yesterday it was like someone unzipped me and let all the air out.  I could not find a breath of air anywhere.  I used all my faithful inhalers, many times.  I knew I was in trouble when walking to the kitchen put me out of breath.  You see I was walking to the kitchen because I was hungry, and I was hungry because of that pesky Prednisone, which always makes my breathing easier, and my joints feel like they are in their early forties.  I love the last two things about it, but that hunger thing is a real PITA, because I don't want just a little snack, I want a meal, which on a sedentary sick person never turns out looking well.
By this morning I was wheezing just trying to get out of bed.  The nurse in me said..."Hmmm, pay attention, Harriet!"  So off to the doctor I went.......I have pneumonia.  So now here I am, in my bed, with my own personal pharmacy within arms reach.  I have an extra strength antibiotic, Singular, Zyrtec, Musinex, 3 inhalers, and my hate it/love it Prednisone.
I can't sleep because of the coughing and they want me to cough so no cough med sits in my little store.  There are only two things I am grateful for at this time.  Haagan Daaz chocolate ice cream and my computer.  How in the world would I entertain myself without this sweet little piece of heaven sent technology?  I may have read every beadmaker in the world's blogs by morning.

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY

Wasn't I just speaking about time?  Today,well Feb 22, I am 69, as in SIXTY NINE!!  (I think this blog publishes in west coast time, because I wrote it after midnight in east coast time) However, I digress. How can that be that I am that old.?  Oh, my body feels at least 69 many days.  It's creaky and slow to unbend.  My hands and arms no longer look like they belong to me.  In fact I am sure they are my mother's.  There's this strange bit of extra skin under my chin.  I know that it belongs to my grandmother.  All the sudden one day I looked in the mirror and there it was.  I liked it on my grandmother, who was part English, and had the softest skin  It looked right, there, on her face.  In my memory she always had it. I wonder if there was a time in her life when she looked in the mirror and first noticed it.

My body sends me little messages  in many different ways that things are not working as they once did.  Pizza is not to be eaten right before bed because my aging digestive system sends out a shrieking alarm of heartburn which can last long into the night.  My knees protest when I get down on them to retrieve an object that had the nerve to roll under some piece of furniture.  I use this long stick, with pincher's on the end, to reel in objects that have risen above my shrinking stature.

My ears ring..... constantly.  It was very annoying when I first became aware of that incessant buzzing.  Now I hardly notice it.  I forget things ..like where did I put my phone, or what is my husband's name....just kidding about the second one!  I can remember many things from the past, but remembering what I had for lunch yesterday just isn't worth using up those dwindling brain cells.

I wouldn't want to be any other age than the one I am right now.  No way I want to go back and live through some of those years again.  However, I do miss my younger body.  The one that could run down the beach, flying like the wind, beating my dad who was a state champion sprinter.  The body that could carry two kids, one on each hip, up and down the stairs, no aching knees, no shortness of breath.  The girl who did handstands off the high diving board and cartwheels over and over.  I look in the mirror and I still see her, it's the body I don't recognize. My grandmother (see previous post) was right you know, time, which we all take for granted, it goes in the blink of an eye.

TIME...WHERE DOES IT GO?

Our second grandson turned 6 today.  Seems impossible that he should be six already.  Wasn't it just last September when his Daddy turned 6?  When I was in my 20's I remember asking my maternal grandmother if she thought her life went fast.  She was in her 80's by then and I expected her to say "No, 80+ years is a long time."  Instead she answered "In the blink of an eye."  At the time I wondered how that could be...silly girl.  It does go by, so fast.  When you're young you never think you will feel that way.  When you age you think of it almost every day.

Here's Caleb on his first birthday.  I guess it isn't necessary to say that the cake was his favorite part :)  

Here he is this past summer.  He's such a sweet boy!

                                         

A LITTLE HEART

I love hearts, so Valentine's day is always my favorite holiday.  I love to collect hearts.  I have a friend who must have 10-15 rocks that are all heart shaped.  Some are thin and very smooth and others are very textural.  Lots of my hearts are glass.  Someday I'll take a picture of some of them.  For today here is a picture of a heart I made out of glass.  It's in my Etsy shop.  http://www.etsy.com/shop/kybeadmaker I used tiny little stringers of glass to make the flowers.  I developed a technique several years ago that makes the flowers look like miniature watercolor paintings.  It's my favorite process to use in beadmaking.

 
I wish I liked the color red because red hearts with flowers on them would probably be pretty, but I just can't make myself like the color .  When I make beads I am driven entirely by color.  Sometimes it almost seems like the beads tell me what colors they want to be.  If you talk to other beadmakers they will tell you the same thing.  We sit down at the torch thinking we know what we want to make but somewhere along the way the bead changes from our original concept and becomes something entirely different than our original plan....sometimes better, and unfortunately sometimes much worse :(.. I'll show you some pictures of those some day too.                                            

LIFE'S LESSONS

Something I learned today.

A BEAUTIFUL MESS INSIDE

Does anyone read her blog?  I just found it about a week ago and love what she writes.  She just wrote one on control,betrayal, and perfection,  which was really helpful to me.  Here's the link.
http://www.abeautifulmessinside.com/  I still struggle with the betrayal thing.  It makes me sad and  gives me such a sense of loss.  So many question, so few answers.
I'm leaving for Florida on Sunday.  My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  She's  90  and up to this point has been living a great life, still driving, playing bridge, very active.  Now she's going through chemo.  She's already lost her hair and had terrible sores in her mouth and this was after just one treatment.  My sister and I are going down  to spend some time with her and meet her oncologist.  The cancer is invasive and the chemo was my mom's choice because the cancer has a 70% cure rate.  I don't know what I would do if I were in her situation, but I will honor whatever path she chooses.

On top of all of this my Honey Bunny has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Because of his blood clotting disease he cannot have surgery.  They are treating it with radiation and it has a 95% cure rate.

I'm a little overwhelmed these days, but I think all of us have a pretty good attitude.  My bead mojo is on an extended leave of absence so I have taken up knitting.  For whatever reason, I find it calming.  The grandchildren keep me happy.  I love being with them.  One thing I've learned about life, in my soon to be 69 years, it is what it is.

EXCUSES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH

Most of you know that I have a 36 year old daughter with multiple disabilities.  See Saturday, September 17, 2011 blog entry.  For the most part the grandchildren have been accepting of her, but they all go through an initial stage of trying to figure Sara out.  There is some fear involved because Sara does not ask or answer questions.  She can't carry on a conversation and her walk is kind of staggered.  She also falls a lot.  Sara isn't very good about sharing her dad or her toys.  She's always been number one with her dad and all of the sudden there all of these little kids running around crawling up on her dad's lap, taking up his time.  She has a little bit of trouble understanding it all.  Cassidy, who is 3 1/2 is still leery of Sara and keeps her distance.  She has told me several times she doesn't like her.  I've tried explaining to Cass that Sara is different from most people, that her brain works differently and that she needs to be kind to her.  I tell Cass that Sara was born this way and she can't help the way she is.  Cass is a smart little girl and I keep thinking she understands what I am telling her.

Last week I was brushing Cassidy's hair.  Sara was standing beside me.  Cass told me that she couldn't play with Sara anymore.  I asked her why not and she said, "Because I'm allergic to her."   What a clever little girl!  On her own she had figured out a politically correct way to solve her problem.  It wasn't her fault she had an allergy, but because of that she would have to stay away from Sara.  I laughed right out loud!   I think this child needs to consider a political career.   Needless to say, we need to have some more talks about Sara.  I wonder what her next excuse will be?  This kid keeps me on my toes :)

SWEET BABOO TWO

This is my newest grandbaby.  He's 18 weeks old and he weighs 9 oz.  I think he is beautiful.  His big brother was Sweet Baboo One and he will be 9 years old when this one is born.  Harrison is so excited that the baby is a boy.  He is going to teach him how to be a goalie in ice hockey, just like he is.  Harrison is our oldest grandchild and this little one will be our youngest.  Three boys and two girls.  We are blessed, and very, very thankful.