I will tell you this.....it's lonely. No one wants to talk about it and mostly people either pretend there is nothing wrong with me or they go way overboard with the kindness. Neither one of these reactions help me one bit. A few of my really close friends treat me just the same as they always did. I am grateful for that. They ask how I'm doing because they really want to know. That feels good. What I want the most is for people to act the same as they always have.
I have to start using oxygen during the day now. I get out of breath if I go to the grocery or the mall. This will bring on more of what I don't want. People who know there is something wrong (because you can't hide oxygen tubing when you are wearing it on your face) and look at me with pity.
I guess it reads like I'm kind of having a pity party right now though.
Honestly, I don't feel sorry for me. I am just sad about leaving the ones I love.
Okay, for saying I couldn't put it out there, I guess I just have...kind of. I promise everything I write from now on won't be a downer. I plan on enjoying the hell out of the rest of my life. Sometimes though, the thoughts go deep. It is what it is.