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Monday, December 5, 2016

RANDOM THOUGHTS

As of Wed last week I have completed every test.  I lost 10 pounds and I am now officially on THE LIST.  It's weird waiting for a transplant because you know in order to live someone else will have died.  I've always been an organ donor, and since I was told I have a very healthy heart I guess I could still be one someday if my transplant didn't work out, but to breathe with someone else's lungs......what a gift!  I think about dying a lot these ....how could I not?  Someone asked me if I'm afraid and I said yes, because I am.  I want to live for more than 72 years.  I want to see my grandchildren grow, I want to take care of Sara and Hank.  I want to see my son get married again.  I would like to walk along the beach at Siesta Key and see the sun set once again.  There's a part of me that is afraid that maybe it won't all happen.
In my mind I have planned my funeral which is very, very weird.  I will write it all down soon.  One thing that keeps crossing my mind, and it applies to very few people, but what I keep thinking is....if you didn't respect me in life, please don't pretend to respect me in death.  I have very few unfinished relationships, but I cannot fix what I did not break.  I find that extremely sad.

3 comments:

  1. You're a sensitive gal, my friend. The fact that you thinking of someone mourning the death of a loved one so that you can live, shows it.
    I also share the "I can't fix what I didn't break." I understand that completely.
    Don't feel guilty for your true feelings.
    Another similarity we share: I have my memorial plans filed with the local funeral home. Right down to the music I want played. It takes the weight of decisions off the family.
    Sounds morbid but I get it, sistah, I get it.

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  2. Thank you so much for your understanding comments, Ellen. You do "get me" and I feel blessed to call you friend. I am like a yo yo these days, up and down and all around. Thanks for being there.
    H

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  3. After my 3rd pulmonary embolism in 2003, I was diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis and I read that people usually die within 5 years. My specialist has me on blood thinners, prednisone and other steroids that I inhale daily. October 2006 I decided to go with natural treatment and was introduced to Mbeki Herbal Clinic natural organic COPD Herbal formula, i had a total decline of symptoms with this COPD Herbal formula treatment. The infections, shortness of breath, fatigue, dry cough and other symptoms has subsided. Somehow, the herbs managed to keep me alive for 13 years.Visit Mbeki Herbal Clinic official website ww w. mbekiherbalclinic. com or email herbs@ mbekiherbalclinic. com.
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