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Saturday, December 21, 2013

CHRISTMAS THOUGHTS

Does Christmas make anyone else melancholy besides me?  Maybe it's because I'm older now, much older, but I have such mixed feelings about Christmas.  I think about the early ones I had, with my grandparents.  My sister and I sleeping in the same twin bed on Christmas Eve listening for the reindeer, the anticipation building and the agony of waiting until 7 am before we could wake anyone up. Those Christmases were so happy, so carefree. Then there were Christmases when my children were young.  HB and I had so much fun getting everything ready after the children went to bed.  Well, maybe HB didn't have so much fun all the time, because he was the one responsible for putting all the toys together, and it seemed there was always a missing nut or bolt.  The looks on the kid's faces Christmas morning always made everything worth it though.
Now we have grandchildren and the first couple of years were wonderful.  It's been harder since my son's divorce because he has the children every other year and this year is his off year.  We will miss them.  We will celebrate several days later with them and our daughter and her family and I know we are lucky that we have a family to be with.  I think the melancholy has to do with all the people who are gone from my life, especially my grandparents.  My sister and I were so loved by both of our grandmothers and our grandfather.  I'm almost 70 years old and I still miss them.  In memory, I think times always seem better than perhaps they really were in real life.  I don't know, I just know my memories make me feel happy. I'm the one providing the memories now.  I hope someday my grandchildren will remember HB and me and have great memories of our time together.  It's how we will live on.

2 comments:

  1. Same feelings happening in our home, Harriet. My husband really struggles in the wake of his sister's death almost 3 years ago.
    Christmases of our youth (if they were happy ones) cannot be replicated so I think that leaves many of us wanting.
    There's so much hoopla - when you're not feeling it, it's hard to "hoop."
    One foot in front of the other - put on a happy face and just get through it.
    I'll send good vibes your way if you promise to do the same. K?

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