A LITTLE HEART

I love hearts, so Valentine's day is always my favorite holiday.  I love to collect hearts.  I have a friend who must have 10-15 rocks that are all heart shaped.  Some are thin and very smooth and others are very textural.  Lots of my hearts are glass.  Someday I'll take a picture of some of them.  For today here is a picture of a heart I made out of glass.  It's in my Etsy shop.  http://www.etsy.com/shop/kybeadmaker I used tiny little stringers of glass to make the flowers.  I developed a technique several years ago that makes the flowers look like miniature watercolor paintings.  It's my favorite process to use in beadmaking.

 
I wish I liked the color red because red hearts with flowers on them would probably be pretty, but I just can't make myself like the color .  When I make beads I am driven entirely by color.  Sometimes it almost seems like the beads tell me what colors they want to be.  If you talk to other beadmakers they will tell you the same thing.  We sit down at the torch thinking we know what we want to make but somewhere along the way the bead changes from our original concept and becomes something entirely different than our original plan....sometimes better, and unfortunately sometimes much worse :(.. I'll show you some pictures of those some day too.                                            

LIFE'S LESSONS

Something I learned today.

A BEAUTIFUL MESS INSIDE

Does anyone read her blog?  I just found it about a week ago and love what she writes.  She just wrote one on control,betrayal, and perfection,  which was really helpful to me.  Here's the link.
http://www.abeautifulmessinside.com/  I still struggle with the betrayal thing.  It makes me sad and  gives me such a sense of loss.  So many question, so few answers.
I'm leaving for Florida on Sunday.  My mom was just diagnosed with breast cancer.  She's  90  and up to this point has been living a great life, still driving, playing bridge, very active.  Now she's going through chemo.  She's already lost her hair and had terrible sores in her mouth and this was after just one treatment.  My sister and I are going down  to spend some time with her and meet her oncologist.  The cancer is invasive and the chemo was my mom's choice because the cancer has a 70% cure rate.  I don't know what I would do if I were in her situation, but I will honor whatever path she chooses.

On top of all of this my Honey Bunny has been diagnosed with prostate cancer.  Because of his blood clotting disease he cannot have surgery.  They are treating it with radiation and it has a 95% cure rate.

I'm a little overwhelmed these days, but I think all of us have a pretty good attitude.  My bead mojo is on an extended leave of absence so I have taken up knitting.  For whatever reason, I find it calming.  The grandchildren keep me happy.  I love being with them.  One thing I've learned about life, in my soon to be 69 years, it is what it is.

EXCUSES THAT MAKE ME LAUGH

Most of you know that I have a 36 year old daughter with multiple disabilities.  See Saturday, September 17, 2011 blog entry.  For the most part the grandchildren have been accepting of her, but they all go through an initial stage of trying to figure Sara out.  There is some fear involved because Sara does not ask or answer questions.  She can't carry on a conversation and her walk is kind of staggered.  She also falls a lot.  Sara isn't very good about sharing her dad or her toys.  She's always been number one with her dad and all of the sudden there all of these little kids running around crawling up on her dad's lap, taking up his time.  She has a little bit of trouble understanding it all.  Cassidy, who is 3 1/2 is still leery of Sara and keeps her distance.  She has told me several times she doesn't like her.  I've tried explaining to Cass that Sara is different from most people, that her brain works differently and that she needs to be kind to her.  I tell Cass that Sara was born this way and she can't help the way she is.  Cass is a smart little girl and I keep thinking she understands what I am telling her.

Last week I was brushing Cassidy's hair.  Sara was standing beside me.  Cass told me that she couldn't play with Sara anymore.  I asked her why not and she said, "Because I'm allergic to her."   What a clever little girl!  On her own she had figured out a politically correct way to solve her problem.  It wasn't her fault she had an allergy, but because of that she would have to stay away from Sara.  I laughed right out loud!   I think this child needs to consider a political career.   Needless to say, we need to have some more talks about Sara.  I wonder what her next excuse will be?  This kid keeps me on my toes :)

SWEET BABOO TWO

This is my newest grandbaby.  He's 18 weeks old and he weighs 9 oz.  I think he is beautiful.  His big brother was Sweet Baboo One and he will be 9 years old when this one is born.  Harrison is so excited that the baby is a boy.  He is going to teach him how to be a goalie in ice hockey, just like he is.  Harrison is our oldest grandchild and this little one will be our youngest.  Three boys and two girls.  We are blessed, and very, very thankful.

ANOTHER ETSY OBJECT

I'm really determined to get some things on Etsy, so I've been trying to add something new everyday.  This is what I put on tonight.  You can see it here:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/kybeadmaker.  While making beads tonight I burned the  palm of my hand, where my thumb is.  YOWZERS that hurt.  I am now soaking my hand in a combo of Aloe and ice water.  Usually works for me.  At least I didn't stick my hand directly in the flame this time.  I laid it down on a graphite marver that I had been using on a hot bead for about 20 min.....did I mention that graphite is a wonderful conductor of heat?

BETTER NEWS

I started making some beads again.  I'm putting things in my Etsy shop for now.   Stress can really beat the heck out of a person, so I'm taking is slowly.  I'm going to a counselor too.  I just have to find a way to deal with all of this sadness that seems to surround me and my entire family. My son told me the other day that he still wakes up in the morning and can't believe that it happened.  Honestly, I can't either.  I think we will all be better when the divorce is final, but of course for the children that is when reality begins to set in.  It is what it is, but it's still the second saddest thing in my whole life.

Here are some pictures of what I put in my Etsy shop......trying to end on a good note here.  Our family is strong, in the end we will be okay.

SOMETHING HAPPY

This is our oldest grandchild, Harrison.  He's eight.  This is him holding his cousin, our youngest grandchild, Cassidy, who is now three.

                                                                                   



Harrison has been asking for a sibling for a long, long time, but it seemed like it was not to be. Several weeks ago HB and I got a bouquet of flowers delivered.  It was on a Friday afternoon and it was no one's birthday or anniversary or any other day of importance.  I opened the card and it said:


"Dear Happy and Pop,
I am going to be a Big Brother!
Love, Harrison

WOW!!  Harrison is overjoyed, so are his grandparents!

LIFE'S LESSONS

I keep finding theses quotes I just love, and for right now they make me feel better.  I am seeing my family come together during this rough time and that is a good thing.  We are  a strong support system for each other and care very much how the others feel.  I think it's during the worst of life's experiences that we often find out what we are really made of.  I am so proud of my middle child.

                                                    

QUOTE TO THINK ABOUT

I read this quote of FB tonight.  I don't know who wrote it, but I like it.  Wait, I found out who wrote it.  CHARLES M. BLOW


One doesn’t have to operate with great malice to do

great harm. The absence of empathy and

understanding are sufficient."